Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Saturday, July 02, 2005i didn't do much today, except for attempting to memorise my 3 pieces for drama exam, but to no avail, at least i managed up till 2.. hehe... so anyways, had a debate with my mum just now, she claims that i'm selfish, i don't care about her, i won't care about the family when i grow up, i always spend away her money(which is to a certain extent true), she says i'm not smart so i've got to work harder and that my siblings are smarter, that i'm basically, all in all, not a good dughter.okay, i admit, i'm not, i mean, there isn't a guideline on "how to be a good daughter" right? But i'm trying... does she see? nope. When she's ill, my bro's always there, okay, so he always hugs her, asks her if she's alright, and because i come home late, she's already at rest so i ask my bro about her, but she doesn't know, but i never did care because as long as she's okay, who cares what i do to find out right? But no, she want me to ask her personally, she wants me to awake her from her rest just to ask "are u okay" and after that, she'll ignore u cos she's sleeping and doesn't want anyone to disturb. How ironic right, and she never admits that she's wrong. She says i don't appreciate her, and always complain. oh come on, who doesn't complain tell me. But above all these rantings and complaints, i still appreciate her for what she is, just that i never made it known. what for right, she never asked for it, and she doesn't want it from us anyways. as long as my bro licks her boots, alls well. i don't get it, must everything be on the surface? i mean... argh, i don't know how to phrase it, but all i know is that i WON'T leave my parents under the care of my siblings, and i've been taught well in school, so i know what's filial piety, sometimes i can't stand the way she says things, so curt, so discouraging and unkind, and she says we're mean to her, i wonder whose the 1 tt's mean pushing all my self confidence to its minimal. just yesterday, i was talking to a classmate and we started talking bout how we feel bout the rest of the classmates, and he said i lacked confidence; i was at a point disappointed, but then after today i got it. how, just how can you have any confidence under a mum who never praises u, praises ur brother in front of u, never says a good thing about u, practically everything in life is planned by her, and she bascially says a demoralising thing about u every other day. sheesh. no wonder i have no self confidence. oh, but then again, how can i blame her right, every mum's got their style of upbringing and i guess tt's just her style, and i know she's trying to be a good mum, probably more inclined to the "reverse psychology" kinda style. ah wells, u just gotta appreciate what u have huh... so anyways, to my dear 3rd sister, don't be too upset.. strive and persevere, i'm sure u and clara will shine 1 day.. after all we're sacians right.. and we possess the peseverance, just like we always had back then... we'll all train and study hard together.. like me and mei yi.. we're trying hard too... (^-^) What I wish... How i wish sometimes u'd just listen How i wish sometimes i was born a better person, How i wish sometimes dreams would come true so we could all live happily ever after. My drive - my fairy tale dream. |